Emotion...or Passion?

So often has the word “emotional” been used in a negative context that it now almost always indicates a weakness or otherwise undesirable trait.

More often, it is women who are criticized – by both men and by other women – for being “too emotional.”

On the contrary, I feel we are lacking emotion, in business and in life. It’s as though we’ve become afraid of expressing ourselves for not wanting to be judged as a blubbering fool or a big old softie.

Arlene Dickinson, CEO of Venture Communications and former star of CBC’s show Dragon’s Den, was interviewed by George Stroumboulopoulous. Her thoughts on emotions?

“I make no excuse for being emotional in business. Business is emotional. If you’re not emotionally engaged with the business you work for or that you’re building, then what the heck are you doing every day? Why are you doing it?”

I argue that I’m not emotional, but rather passionate. There is a fundamental difference. Being emotional is when no matter how you try, you are unable to conceal your feelings, which are usually viewed as negative. Being “emotional” always seems to indicate a socially undesirable behaviour such as crying or shouting. Crying indicates weakness. Shouting indicates a lack of control. It’s sad that we have these ideas as they serve only to deaden our motivation and self-expression.

Passion, on the other hand, means being outrageously committed, believing wholeheartedly, and being prepared to fight for something you believe in. There’s an intensity that comes along with passion. Not everyone demonstrates it in the same way, but many who are fiercely passionate are also very expressive. Why? Probably because their passion spills out of them. I know it does with me.

I was once reprimanded after a heated argument over something I felt was a gross injustice, with a smug reminder, “This is a civilized company.”  I remember the gag in the back of my throat at that ridiculous and demeaning statement .These statements are often made by people who never get excited about anything. To them, passion is scary because they don’t know what to do with all the energy.

Why are we so afraid to emote? 

Have we become so catatonic that we can’t even handle the raised voice of someone who is driven to argue a point with vigor?

I see so many articles that caution women in business against getting too emotional (ex: crying) in the workplace, and advise how to diffuse emotions before continuing a discussion. What’s with all this suppression?

I’m not advocating for everyone to go around the office like raving lunatics or blubbering fools, but surely there is some happy medium. As a passion pundit, I’ve learned you need to be selective with your causes, and direct your passion where it will have the most positive impact.

One day at the office, I was tipped off that one of my project coordinators was crying in the bathroom and probably needed someone to go talk to her. Apparently, she had made a mistake on one of her projects and caused a delay in the production, which would surely upset the client. She was devastated that she had messed up and didn’t know how to fix it. She was further mortified that I, her boss, had just discovered her in her saddest state. “I’m so embarrassed!”

Don’t be, I told her. If you didn’t care about your job and about doing well, you wouldn’t be upset. In fact, if you brushed it off like it was nothing, I would be much more concerned. Don’t worry another minute, we’ll fix this.

Personally, I could go for some spirited discussions and some jumping up and down. I’m not talking about vicious, unprofessional attacking of others. No, I mean sincere passion. 

Paul Alofs does a tremendous job of outlining just how important passion is to the success of a cause, career or company in his book “Passion Capital – The World’s Most Valuable Resource.”  

He articulates exactly the philosophy I have felt intrinsically for years: passion is the catalyst for success. Passion alone won’t drive profits, but it is the foundation for longevity and prosperity.

One thing I’ve learned, however, is that not all organizations believe they need passion in their culture. It seems logical that it would be a valued asset, but it’s not the case for everyone.

I bring passion with me wherever I go, so I need to be sure that I always find a work scenario that appreciates and encourages it.

My tip: If you encounter a colleague who appears to be displaying some heated passion, give them a moment to really express themselves. Remember that this outburst is probably not about you, and is more likely a display of frustration or extreme enthusiasm. 

Find ways to harness that energy in positive, constructive ways. 

Ring, ring…..hello? Is anybody there?

Photo courtesy of Etsy.com

How has the telephone suffered such a brutal and untimely death? 

When did we suddenly abandon the phone call?

I’ll tell you when.

It was right around the time that texting became free - locally, nationally and internationally.

Don’t get me wrong: I can text with the best of them. I have 3 different language keyboards installed on my cell phone, plus an extensive emoticon library. Because you gotta have a LOT of cartoonish icons to express your true feelings and moods since straight LOLs may not do the trick. Ha!

I feel, however, that we have adopted texting (and before it, emailing) with such a fervor that we have forgotten the importance of live voice-to-voice communication as part of the effective communication mix.  We all have cell phones now but rarely use the actual PHONE part of it.

I have often observed a glazed, deer-in-headlights stare from colleagues of a younger generation when I ask them to make a call to a client or supplier. “Can’t I just email them?” is usually the plea.

(Note: I’m also struggling to get some of my suppliers to pick up the phone. Really, people? Do you want the business or not?)

This is a crisis of communication.

Recently, a female acquaintance sought input on a new dating relationship. She described the problem to me like this:

I Facebook messaged him, and then he messaged back. And then I asked him this question and sent a winky smiley. He hasn’t replied. What do you think that means?! Should I text him again?

Why don’t you just pick up the phone and call the dude? was my stupid question.

Yeah right! Call. How desperate do you think I am?

Were we always this shy and self-effacing, simply waiting for the appropriate tool to come along and absolve us of the misery that verbal communication had forced upon us?

Watch the harsh truth of dating. A.K.A. “He’s never going to call you”, the infamous speech from He’s just not that into you:

Business etiquette

In business, effective communication cannot be underestimated. The particular vehicle of communication we choose to deliver a message is critical to it being received effectively.

Because I began my professional career just as the internet was emerging, telephone and fax communication were still common. My first sales job involved making cold calls to owners and buyers of retail stores. I can say from experience that picking up the phone can be nerve-wracking. But, quite often it yields the best outcome. When successful, orders arrived at the office by fax or courier. 

I still believe phone calls are an importantpart of business for relationship building and management. There are times when it is better to callthan send an email. 

Here are situations in which I still reach for the receiver:

-        When I need to “meet” someone new and a face-to-face is not possible

-        When there is a “problem” or misunderstanding to resolve (and face-to-face is not possible)

-        When I need to ask for a favour (and a face-to-face is really not possible)

-        When the person I’m contacting prefers not to use email or digital technologies

-        When I communicate with my doctor or pharmacy (because they still use phone and fax exclusively!)

Of course, important decisions and details agreed to verbally can always be followed by a confirmation email message.

Don’t forget, though, that your voice can be your most valuable asset, negotiation tool, bridge-builder, and relationship-nurturer. When you speak, speak clearly and with authenticity, and don’t forget to smile when appropriate. Insincerity can be easily detected through the phone.

And most importantly, when someone else calls you, ANSWER your phone!

The bottom line: When it comes to important announcements, big decisions, or difficult topics, it’s best to communicate in person or at the very least, with live voice. If you want to build a positive, meaningful relationship or resolve a problem, put the emoticons aside and express yourself authentically.

Note: Video calls are naturally encouraged as well, when and where technology permits them. 

The Froth on Top

There is much to be said for substance.

A recent dining experience reminded me of this. At the end of the day, no matter how elegantly
adorned or elaborately presented, food is never considered “good” unless the taste is satisfactory or better. Most people will choose substance over form.

My point here is that quite often, in food as in life, the most valuable and substantial components lie beneath the surface. Stripped down of distractions and insulation. Nudo. This concept resonates so much with me that I’ve had to acknowledge its significance in my career.
I’ll come back to this.

On the subject of food, I invoke the image of a perfectly infused cappuccino, topped with steaming, light-as-air foam. This is just one reason I prefer a cappuccino over a latté; I rather enjoy having to make my way through the frothy topping to reach the rich, complex flavour of espresso. And each one is a little different, isn’t it?

This digging through the froth is analogous to my mission, both professionally and personally. Much of what I do is getting to the heart of something; the inspiration of an idea, the inner workings of innovation, and the essence of a person or business. I enjoy telling the story - the unique story - and helping to unveil a truism. This usually involves looking beyond the obvious surface, past the outer wrapping and layers of “fat” to truly understand. You could say I am something of an emotional archaeologist. I think connecting with the authenticity of a person, place or thing is fascinating and exciting.

As such, I find it difficult to thrive in business environments or work with people who aren’t real and talk a lot of blah-blah. Jargon, clichés, acronyms, niceties, and other ‘verbal froth’ don’t impress me much. Authenticity, transparency, and respect are important. Maybe that sets the bar high. And so be it.

I’m always looking for the substance. I’m up for the challenge of de-frothing to uncover what’s meaningful and memorable. Those with the courage and passion to explore beneath the hype inspire me. I hope my life’s work will allow me to fulfill this curiosity.

When Life Hits A 404

I’ve noticed recently that the common reaction when people hear your “bad” news (job loss, divorce, losing a promotion, etc) is one of remorse, empathy and even pity. It is naturally assumed to be a bad thing. Some even go so far as to ask, with wide, poor-you eyes, “What are you going to do?”

Gee, I don’t know, take the gas pipe? Jump off a bridge?

It must be how couples feel when they announce they are getting a divorce. How difficult to face the judgment, humiliation and feelings of failure that others impart with their sad faces and deep breaths. Tragedy! How will you ever go on?

A wise old yogi or spiritual devotee, however, may ponder the news and offer encouragement. These events may be considered natural progressions on life’s journey. These seemingly negative occurrences may be seen as gifts in disguise; an opportunity to turn the unexpected situation into something positive.

A constructive concept; take a negative and re-tool it into a positive.
(At the very least it’s a more productive mindset than one of self-pity.)

This morning I saw a presentation about the famous error message that we’ve all seen on websites, when you click on a link that no longer exists – the 404 Error. It’s usually something along the lines of “We’re sorry, but the page you were looking for doesn’t exist.”

The experience of landing on a 404 Error page is disappointing. You thought you were being led to the right destination, but you hit an obstacle. It is a broken relationship, a slap in the face.

Sound familiar?

I think losing your job is like having your career hit a 404 Error. “We’re sorry, but the job you thought you had no longer exists.”

 And breaking up is hitting a relationship 404.

I find the standard social reactions to these 'bumps in the road' of life lack optimism and encouragement. Hardly anyone says, upon hearing of a job loss or a divorce, “Well, this is undoubtedly an opportunity for you, a new beginning, and a time of personal renewal. Change can be uncomfortable, but the end result is always progress and that’s always positive.”

Check out this video on “404, the story of a page not found.”

In summary:
“A simple mistake can tell me what you’re not, or it can remind me why I should love you.”
It’s difficult enough to embrace change and disappointment. The next time someone gives you some “bad” news or the equivalent of a 404 error in their life, consider a more encouraging, optimistic response. Consider turning a negative into a positive.
[Author's note: This advice, too, should be the mantra of marketers everywhere.]

Here are some more examples of creative 404 error pages that make the broken link experience a bit more enjoyable.

(Photo courtesy of Can Stock Photo.)

Room With A Brew

It all starts with a good cup of coffee.

There’s something about the pungent, roasted aroma that both comforts and invigorates. It’s hospitable and invites conversation. Coffee is the biggest off-screen social trend; the old-fashioned yet still trendy way of socializing - in person.

Coffee is at the heart of much of our social interaction. In fact, coffee shops have become what Howard Schultz (Starbucks’ CEO) describes as the “third place”; aside from your house and your office, it is the one locale in your neighbourhood where you feel at home. In place of the bartenders of “Cheers” fame, there are baristas, whipping up frothy, caffeinated concoctions.

Starbucks, and many other coffee chains, has outfitted its coffee houses with accessories and furnishings to encourage conversation and lingering get-togethers. Visit any café and you’ll find friends catching up, blind dates meeting, business deals closing, and candidates being interviewed for a job. These are significant transactions all happening because someone said “Let’s meet for coffee.”
Just the other day, I noticed a real estate agent perched in the leather arm chair next to me, having a latté with a client. They were signing the papers to complete the sale of a house. And the investment for that coffee house tête-à-tête was under $5.

Read the MarComPro’s Top 5 Tips for Great Coffee Talk.

[Author’s note: Not all coffee shops are created equal. I’ve yet to witness a business deal going down at a Tim Horton’s or a Dunkin’ Donuts. I’m just saying…!]

Have you noticed too that coffee (along with water) is the most-offered beverage in any business meeting? If you’re a guest in any office today, you’re sure to hear something along the lines of: “Welcome! Can I get you a coffee?”

Why, of course you can! But one caution if you are responsible for purchasing the coffee for your company: There is nothing worse than being handed a cup ‘o Joe that came from a coffee-o-matic vending machine. How disgraceful! No matter your business or engagement, always spring for good quality coffee (and tea). 
 
Not to fear, you non-coffee-drinkers out there. There is survival in adaptation. In every urban coffee shop and office building today, you will find an assortment of herbal teas, fruit smoothies and vitamin waters.

So, whenever I start a new project, my first action is to sit down with a mug (or thermos!) of my favourite brew. It’s a great kick-off to a brainstorming session, project planning, or relationship-building. Good things begin with a great cup of coffee.